"No man is an island" Reckon that its really true. Was just sitting down in my house just yesterday with no one in the house. Suddenly it just dawn on me how i am so afraid of loneliness. Started thinking on how i used to go back home and my family will be making alot of noise- laughing and shouting. I used to tell them to keep quiet so that i can have some peace and quiet. Now i dread going to a lifeless house (a pity i have yet to find a home in here) and facing the four walls. How i wish i never had asked them to shut up, now i wish for my mother to nag at me and my brother and sister to quarrel and disturb me! Yet it is in a comfortable situation that you take for granted alot of things in life. The think that i have taken for granted most- is my family's company!
Back in school or work, i used to have classmates and friends to talk to. However it seems so hard when you are in university. I have Pyschology lecture alone. It just so tiring to meet new people all the time and make acquaintances! Used to be able to walk around school and saying hi to everybody because you know them! Now, no one even cares your existance. Everyone seemed to be dying for classes to end and runnning home. I used to love to stay in school to study, talk and have fun. Now i dread even going to school, whats more staying in it. Have to drag myself out of bed each day and i have to tell myself that it is a brand new day and it can just get better. I miss school days. I remember in primary school when i used to complain about my long days in school and how stressful it is. I finally know the true meaning of stress and long hours. What beats a 7 hour long day without a break. Sucks isn't it! Thankfully i pull through every day with my friends here in sydney.
Wat i dread most is fridays. Those times with the councillors were just GREAT. Just sitting back and recalling the past. Laughing at every single dumb events that happened in the past, over and over again. Somehow, we never got bored. Sharing dirty secrets and everybody is honest with one another. You guys made me feel comfy, made me real. NO more masks. Feel like a transparency when i am with you guys..somehow or rather you guys know what i am thinking. (so i am taking pyschology to attempt to read your minds!) REckon its hard to find a bunch of people like you guys here in sydney, who will finish my every sentence when i have difficulty, who will be there thru thick, thin, hard and soft times, who tolerated me for my blurness and slowness, who showed me lessons in life, who i can bear my heart out, who i can turn to for advice. Just wanna say that i MISS you all so much everyday. (can be shown from the cat you guys give me..looks abit flattened already. Must be the hugs.)
Of course, not forgetting people like wendy, ailing, emily who are so willing to listen to my bullshit and whines. Talking about church. ALthough it has been such a short time since i went to Foo Chow but somehow i feel that i have been there for a long time. Miss everyone of you too. Those fellowship was just so great. Am really happy that i have met all of you.
Somehow I miss Singapore too! WEird isn't it. For years i was dying to get out of singapore but when i am here already, i am dying to go back. Life is just so different. But no matter how depressed and sad i feel, i am so glad i still have a friend to turn to all the time. During bad times and lonely times. I close my eyes and i remember his love for me, his undying love that is so pure. His warmth in times of need. His comfort in times of tiredness. His peace and joy. Never will i fear loneliness. Knowing that i fear loneliness, he sent me interesting and really nice and funny Housemates. Knowing that i cannot live alone by myself, he sent me friends. Knowing that i can't live without god's words, he sent me a church. Knowing that i can't live for eternity, he sent me his son to die for my sins so that i can live and enjoy fellowhip with him for eternity. What a friend i have in Jesus!
I appreciate all of you and just wanna tell you all how much you all meant to me and how important you all have been in my life. *muacks*